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Evelyn Ayers-Marsh Syracuse, New York / United States, Female, 76
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6/7/2007 7:08:00 PM

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    • POEM: Spam by Gerry Gilman (6/9/2007 2:17:00 PM)

      I loved the humor in this poem. This poem is delightful.

      Although I'm from the midwest, I like Spam too, but I'm not as brave as you are. I don't eat it anymore.

    • POEM: Spam by Gerry Gilman (4/22/2007 9:11:00 AM)

      Make that palpable not palatable.

    • POEM: Spam by Gerry Gilman (4/22/2007 12:33:00 AM)

      With the strong images you've used in this poem, you have made your longing palatable to the reader. The first three similes in the first verse caught and held my attention, though I would change 'newspaper without a headline' to 'newspaper with only a headline' to parallel the two previous similes. The images of the soilder's departure, you holding the picture and the books on the shelf continue to build on your deep sense of longing ending in an image of a young man standing in the street 'lit up like Gatsby's mansion' and 'wishing on a starless sky'. These two phrases paint such a strong picture for me. Then you bring us back down with the realization that 'the sky will be blue tomorrow'.
      The only other change I'd suggest is you might consider leaving out 'I'm only young after all.' as it breaks the rhythm and this sense of longing for love and struggling to allow yourself to be vulnerable to it can happen at any age.

      Thank you for the strong critiques you gave my poems; they helped me look at my work through new eyes. I wanted to return the favor.

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