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Paul Michael Curren Almere / Netherlands, Male, 51
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11/14/2007 4:56:00 PM

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  • (11/15/2007 4:52:00 PM)

    Just a few adjustments
    3rd line correct remeber
    6th line correct pass by into passing by it works better
    7th and 11th same as the 3rd line
    9th line correct 'to' into 'the' perhaps?

    I can't find any link the we in 9th line. You are telling from a first person perspective but then you add another person but can't understand who that is. Try to read through this poem once more give the Sitting Alone theme a bit more flair, I don't feel and read that sitting alone is such a bad thing if at all.
    Hope it helps.

    Have fun.

  • POEM: 'It Will Be Ok.' by Selina Gurgacz (11/14/2007 4:43:00 PM)

    As far as the theme goes of your poem I think it is clear and direct. I have been there where trust alone is no longer enough to hold a friendship together, where words become unclear and in the way of what is really meant. Where the cause of the problem can no longer be addressed or where things have twisted out of control and you are left voices in your head claiming how things could have been different.
    To get back to your poem, I think you use too many words to describe it. You keep saying the same thing in other words. I'd try to make it shorter and try to use add more imagery I like you to tell me what you think it feels like and not what you tell me to think. Give it one more go and seek that thing that makes you feel so much for her that it speaks your thoughts and feelings.
    I always see her everyday is an example of reusing words to tell he same thing.

    Have fun and don't feel to put off by my words as they are just that.