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Uchenna Shadrach Franklin Kaduna / Nigeria, Male, 36
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Latest 5 Poems of Uchenna Shadrach Franklin

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    • (4/18/2009 12:26:00 PM)

      Cut-glass cheeks, nazel brown eyes
      Ample pouts, shivering shouts
      Frivolous fish-nets bidding goodbyes

      Some blonde cop hugs
      As if all of us are but thugs
      Some munches nibbling chicken fries
      Awaiting coffee mugs

      Some planets......never love
      Some players.......never match
      Some spectators at watch
      That some credit never crunches
      With the debit in clutch

      Some trying to wash the linen
      As if have never seen a raven

      Here.....nobody knows her abacus
      Come Spartacus or Selukas
      Here......no-one knows her parapharnelias
      Come Cornelius to Copernicus
      But she appeared......
      And disappeared
      A well with her apparatus
      An American said
      She is called Latonya in Oxford Circus.

      I like it. And the style too. The poet/personea distancing herself from the work. And the coffee thing too. I like coffee. But there are a few things that gave me trouble. What if you break it into smaller lines so that each idea takes its own line? E.G cut glass cheeks
      nazel brown eyes
      ample pouts.....

      I like its flow. Their are rhymes here and there which dont seem to have been forced. Second stanza line three. Munch and nibble... I think one of them should go. They tend to potray the same idea. Stanza three. I suggest you remove the elipses. Let it just read 'ome planets never love', bla bla. Can you re-visit the last two lines in that stanza? The last stanza also, try remove the elipses. Let it just flow. 'here nobody knows her abacus', bla bla. And that one also after 'appeared.

    • (4/18/2009 12:12:00 PM)

      Soi-Disant 1
      White petals rain
      On the cliff mountain
      Scream echoes
      Love.....a true love
      Not to be known
      Hence, denial
      Must preserved
      In time...


      This poem hits me. It comes soft, yet its force is strong. The first four lines touches me. But would it not have more effect if 'true love' takes a line of its own? I mean without 'a'. Secondly, the last two lines, .. I dont get it. Do you mean '...must be preserved in time'? or 'must preserve in time'? I suggest you take a second look at that portion. Thanks

    • POEM: Rain by yoonoos peerbocus (4/16/2009 2:29:00 PM)

      Atomized ocean, sun powered, airlifted,
      With thunder and lightning, .
      Blessed from above, falls without falling,
      As if immensity taps at our life
      Either as celestial shower of mercy

      Or world wide waterfalls of existence
      Emptying itself on what the world survives-
      Failed or excess, all is derailed.
      What's by birth is creation whole,
      Free its service, universal humanity its faith,
      Ever bent to put on level with heaven

      Man's earth turned desire.



      For me it reads more like an ode than a mere observation. The first three or four lines paints the qualities in vivid colours. But then it all gets mixed up and confusing. I think you should not use inversion. I mean saying 'breaks
      Silence eternal of space infinite' when you meant 'breaks eternal silence of infinite space'. It doeant make it more poetic. Just let it flow. Be original. The second staza leaves me wondering the more. Imageries crumpled up together. I can barely get the picture clearly. But the finishing is good. Blunt.

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