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Taylor Butts Fairhaven / United States, Male, 30
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Latest 5 Poems of Taylor Butts

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    Taylor Butts's last comments on poems and poets

    • POEM: Internally Displaced Persons (Idps) by Naseer Ahmed Nasir (6/22/2009 10:57:00 PM)

      I really liked your poem Naseer. The subject is a powerful one. I like how you used short lines to convey such a huge message. The only thing I would suggest is keeping the consistancy of the short lines. You should break up the three or four lines that you used commas in to seperate things. It would make it look and feel better.

    • POEM: Fable Of The Mermaid And The Drunks by Pablo Neruda (6/22/2009 10:48:00 PM)

      Actually Sarah Mann, I happen to think you are very wrong. It's more so about the conflict between nature and society. Allison Mo did a brilliant job of quoting Yahoo Answers on this one. You really should use proper citation when using a direct quote from a source though, Allison. Otherwise, it could be mistaken as plagiarism.

    • POEM: *the Dark* by Elizabeth Tyease Collins (5/28/2009 10:26:00 AM)

      Great poem. The only problem I find is in the last three lines. They are a little awkward, especially since you are comparing a singular noun to a plural noun using a metaphor. It’s hard to say “The light were flames” because the verb can’t express the connection between a plural and a singular. It’s like says 1=37. It just doesn’t work that way.

      It’s awkward past that, though. You use the word “flames” twice in the whole poem, and you only spaced them a line apart. It’s like the whole meaning of pronouns. You use them to not sound repetitious and boring, but I see why you didn’t use a pronoun for flames. That would have been even more awkward.

      I would suggest reworking the last stanza. I’ve also noticed that it is all one sentence, and if you break it up into two sentences, the first two lines being the first sentence, I think it would work a lot better. Then you can play around with the last couple of lines to try and make it sound better. Maybe something like:

      “I watched the world become devoured by flames,
      And the only light I saw
      Came from those flames.”

      Also I just realized through writing that that you have a problem with the word “devoured”. You see, right now you have the flames as the direct object in that sentence, which means the world should be devouring the flames. The world needs to be the direct object. You can do that by adding an intransitive word, such as “become”. Just try playing around with it, and it will come.

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