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Latest 5 Poems of Doug Ordunio

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Doug Ordunio's last comments on poems and poets

  • POEM: ~the Power Of A Tear~ by Howard Simon (3/8/2010 10:37:00 PM)

    I would say, shorten it. Get rid of the clich├ęd phrases. ' I was like a kid with a brand new toy? ? ? ' They add nothing to the final result. Can a thread be burst? maybe torn, broken, or cut.

    The repetitions at the end are overdone.

    I feel that poetry is about economy that expresses itself in quiet splendor, unless violence is called for. Sorry but I'm quite jaded as far as words are concerned, so you will only receive brutsl honesty. ; -(

  • POEM: For Haiti I Cry by Howard Simon (3/6/2010 10:46:00 PM)

    Your poem is written in a sensitive way, but there are a few things I might reconsider. One, I would change the English word 'lachrymose' to the Latin word 'lachrymosa.' The English word literally means 'showing sorrow.' I think the Latin word, which would translate as 'tears, tears' might be closer to your intent.

    Also, I would change the word 'bawl.' Yes, it is a powerful word, but it has always seemed to me, a bit vulgar (in the sense of being common) . Perhaps, 'wept'? ?